While I Have Breath

"My delight is in You, Lord

On Your Word I set my heart

You are peace, You are calm for my restless soul
You light my way through the dark

I want to know You even more

Holiness is my desire

Purify, burn in me

Come and make me clean

You refine me in Your fire

Here I am, open arms 

Draw me close to Your heart

You're my life, You're my refuge

My delight is in You

My delight is in You, Lord

You're the treasure I have found

You're the rock where I stand 

I will not be moved

All my life is in Your hands 

Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for You, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You, my Master

Ready to do Your will"

~ Christy Nockels 

Could we, Lord Jesus, as the children of Your heart, just press into You? Could we draw near with arms and hearts wide open, expectant to receive an abundance of mercy, joy and the tender embrace of our God? Could we happily leave behind our life, our dreams, our desires, and gaze on the wonder that is You? Could we bask in the glory of Your majesty, and feel the blood-bought Life, the victorious Life, coursing through our veins? Could we truly taste and see that the Lord is good? Could we appreciate Your beauty and grow in our understanding of its fullness? Could we perceive the depth of Your holiness and rightness more than ever before, and so loath our own sinfulness, all the while rejoicing in the riches of Your grace? Could we be still and know You, our God, who is seated above the heavens? Could we rest in our eternal security under Your wings and never again allow the smallest fear to dim our love and trust? Could we, as little lambs be protected and cared for by our Almighty Father? Could we, as sons and daughters rise to praise the name of our gracious King, and with humble hearts exalt You, Lord Jesus, for Your sovereignty and power? Could we allow ourselves to be bound to the altar daily and surrender ourselves exclusively to Your purposes and plans? Could we, by relenting, find ourselves refreshed in Your presence, Your Spirit flowing in us and through us moment by moment? Could we long for that rushing wind and those tongues of fire, desiring that Something that lifts us from ordinary into extraordinary? Could we be transformed by the renewing of our minds? Could we be altered from our present infantile state into maturity, our daily sustenance the meat of Your precious Word? Could we become a well-watered garden or a spring whose waters never fail? Could we really be new altogether? Lord, could we simply be Yours? For we breathe You in, God. You are the One we fear.

Simplicity

During a time of reflection tonight with the Lord, I began imagining what it will be like to walk through the little village in Tamil Nadu again, to see the children's precious faces, to hear their infectious, boisterous laughter, to watch them romp and roam. Vivid images of the children appear in my mind's eye -- it’s as if I can touch them even now. How amazing to really be face to face, to really hold them in my arms!

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him” (Psalm 127:4, NLT).

In the midst of hundreds of India photos on my computer, I stumbled upon some videos I had taken of the children during my 2011 trip. The moment their laughter pierced the speakers, my heart awakened to dear old memories. The sweet, childish voices chattering and bickering in Tamil instantly brought me back to that place.

Then comes a realization. This is what I’ve been waiting for, praying for, longing for: to be reunited with these beautiful, remarkable, inimitable Indian girls and boys, whose hearts will always be a part of mine! It’s been 4 years since being in India and it still moves me to tears to watch the children play, dance and sing on video. They are so lively and full of personality, like blossoms bursting in spring. How I love them! How I’ve missed them!

The little ones will no longer be little -- how sweet to see how they've grown. Many of the cheery faces to greet me will be unfamiliar ones, since new batches of children arrive at the Home each school year. Exciting to think of brand new possibilities, opportunities and relationships. I can't wait to see what God is going to do!

Sometimes it completely boggles my mind to think that I’m really traveling back to India to minister to these children. It humbles me and brings blessing beyond measure. God is so so good! All the praise and glory goes to Him always! He has been faithful in providing and I just want to continue trusting Him. Where He leads, by His grace, I will follow.

“All the way my Saviour leads me

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heavenly peace, divinest comfort

Here by faith in Him to dwell

For I know whatever befall me

JESUS doeth all things well!”

Mission Minded

Today I was greatly encouraged by this beautiful little passage, Luke 5:1-11:

"On one occasion, while the crowd was pressing in on Him to hear the word of God, He was standing by the lake of Gennesaret, and He saw two boats by the lake, but the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon's, He asked him to put out a little from the land. And He sat down and taught the people from the boat. And when He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, 'Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.' And Simon answered, 'Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at Your word I will let down the nets.' And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they begun to sink. But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, 'Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.' For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken, and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, 'Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.' And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him."

Jesus' love and compassion for the people He ministered to is so evident. It says "the crowd was pressing in on Him" -- they were spiritually hungry, desperate, and with longing hearts -- and He immediately responded by teaching them. Jesus wanted to communicate truth because truth sets free. Jesus, who loved them, who perceived the fallen condition of their hearts, was sent "to proclaim liberty to the captives" (Luke 4:18). His healing and redemptive work began with words of life, words that sliced through their inner darkness. But He didn't stop there. He proved his credibility by demonstrating His power in a very real and tangible way. "Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch" -- in other words, "Now that I've told you what I can do for you, step out in faith and take hold of it." Truth itself is meaningless unless apprehended. It is a call to action. I love Simon Peter's response: "Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at Your word I will let down the nets." What a wonderful demonstration of faith! Peter took Jesus at His word, despite the fact that the fish weren't biting. The result was overwhelming blessing: a miraculous catch of fish that caused their nets to break! Isn't that just how our Lord Jesus works? We come to Him with a tiny seed of faith and He explodes all proportions with His love and faithfulness.

Oh how we need Him. And He wants us to need Him. The more we need Him, the more of Him we have. We press, we ask, we lean, we trust, we plead, and His mercy reaches us succinctly in our hour of need. Then we are "astonished." We wonder, "Can this be?" I can just picture Jesus laughing joyfully, saying, "Yes, yes My child, this is really true. This is really how I work. This is really how good I am. Oh, this is just the beginning! Come. Come with Me, and you will see greater things than these!"

Jesus sets us free from our past -- our sins, our failures, our feeble attempts at life, our banged-up fishing boats -- to live a radically glorious life in Him.

I for one, do not want to miss it! This theme is deeply personal. God has recently been tearing down strongholds and healing pain in my life. Scripture tells us to "hold fast what is good" (1 Thess. 5:21). Jesus has shown me that the life He desires me to live is not at all connected with the things that had previously held me chained. Where His Spirit is, there is freedom. 

 I'm guessing but I think that this opportunity to return to India could not be more timely. As the Lord teaches me to walk forward in His freedom, He is literally taking me on a new journey. What a gracious and loving Heavenly Father He is.

Jesus' words, "Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men," is a wonderful affirmation of His leading on this mission. No longer stationary but propelled by His Spirit, He equips me -- weak and small though I am -- to do His will. I want to take this passage as my own, and see that miraculous catch of fish as the harvest of souls the Lord wants to reap in India. Not that this particular mission is singular in reaching that end, but I pray I can somehow be a part of God's work in rescuing these children, turning them from darkness to light and touching them with the love of Jesus. To Him be all the glory!

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose" (Philippians 2:13).

Fragments, Part Two

April 5 - Here I am now at Raju and Joyce's house. The journey has come full circle and I am back with them again. I forgot how lovely and elegant their house was. There are actually tiles on the floor and clean, unstained, painted walls! The guest room provided for me is beautiful, with a door opening unto the balcony. Now I am seeing that everything is different here in Bangalore. The area where the Mathews live is actually quiet! (Can you imagine? A quiet Indian street?!) The roads are paved in this neighbourhood. Not very many people, tall, modern buildings, sometimes a shack here and there. I cannot believe the richness of some of the houses ...

More goodness, more blessings. A delicious meal with Uncle Raju and Aunty Joyce: chicken curry, rice, dal and vegetables. We even had bananas and ice cream for dessert! (What extravagance!)

Already we met with some people, friends of Joyce. I talked to one young girl named Nisha. Her husband is far away in Abu Dhabi for one whole year. She has a young son and she's writing a final exam for a job. I'm praying for her.

Joyce also talked to me about Accept, the AIDS clinic run by the Mathews, which I will be visiting tomorrow. God is providing me with children again. What a joy! After a three-day rest in Pappanaikanpatty, I feel ready to "roll up my sleeves," in new work. How I miss my dear hostel children, that dear difficult work that required so much faith each day, but in the end was so rewarding ... Maybe it sounds strange, but I had not known there would be work for me to do in Bangalore too. I knew I would get to see Accept, but the way Joyce is talking, it sounds like I will actually be able to spend lots of time with the children. There are 20 orphans, all with HIV.

April 6 - The Accept compound is situated outside of Bangalore, down a rutted dirt road. It is a lovely place and reminded me a little of Dohnavur. Very clean and spacious with red-tiled roofs on the buildings. There are two main facilities: the clinic and the children's home. The clinic has a full staff of doctors and nurses. Patients stay for days or weeks, depending. Sometimes they die. Seeing some of the patients was heartbreaking. Immediately you can tell they are very sick with sallow cheeks, tightly drawn, paling skin, thin, frail limbs, bloodshot eyes. One teenage boy looked so sick he could barely walk, every step causing him pain. 

When I first met the children at the Home, I instantly realized they were not like normal children with their yellowed skin, sunken eyes, wispy hair. The children at the ---- Home were not like this. (I'm so glad those children were healthy!) And my heart breaks for these little ones, who cannot live as most children do ...

April 7 - These are the names of the wonderful orphan children at Accept: Rachel, Dia, Anushri, Mariya, Rageswari, Ramiya, Chandini, Angilee, Subramani, Kishore, Ramesh, Naveen, Amir, Sathish, Srinivas, Prakash, Kumar, Richard, Eshwargowda, Sharath and Rahul. 

One of the littlest girls, Anushri (age three), caught my attention almost immediately. She just stared up at me with big dark eyes and an impish grin. She always wants to be held and I am more than happy to scoop her up into my arms. I also noticed she constantly bites down on her bottom lip. Then I found out that she was breast-fed up until 3 months ago when her mother died of AIDS. She is still a little baby and sometimes seems to be lost and sad.

Subramani has the same birthday as me. He's about ten years old and looks healthier than the others. Very sweet, and he likes playing soccer and volleyball.

Prakash is a walking miracle. When Accept took him in he was close to death, but the Lord revived him. Now he is entirely full of joy and LIGHT in Jesus! It is amazing to see the faith of this young boy. I've never seen a frown or heard a cross word from him.

Kishore melts my heart as no other. I'm not sure what it is about him, but he is so special. He captured my heart from the very start with his sweet, unassuming ways and quiet confidence. He is extremely intelligent and looks much younger than his fourteen years. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen ... light brown framed by long eyelashes, communicating sadness and hope and longing and the knowledge of one whose experienced life sorrowfully.

Right now the majority of the children are in the upstairs room here at the Home, watching superhero cartoons on TV. They get tired easily during the day and they like relaxing in front of the TV in the afternoon. It's a little difficult to write, but there is so much to tell that I have to write. The Lord is doing something incredible in my life. There is so much ... so much fullness, and He is changing me. I praise His name and want to give Him all the glory. He alone has filled me with overflowing love and joy!! The past few days with the children have been wonderful and I have come to love them so much already. The Lord brought me here at a perfect time.

Now as I go to sleep my mind and heart are filled with the treasures of the day: talking with Uncle Raju about the Lord, playing volleyball with the boys, listening to Richard's music on the keyboard, Amir and Ramesh laying their heads in my lap as we watched "Oceans," teasing Rhoda (she's from the local assembly and she helps at Accept), seeing Prakash's smiling face, so joyful because of Jesus. The overflowing love and joy today -- so incredible!

April 8 - There is a saying written on a plaque in the house here that says, "Rest a while and run a mile." This is a good reminder to me of how we should live our lives. First we must sit at Jesus' feet and then He will give us the strength to run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Isn't it a comfort to know that it's already marked out? God knows the future. I'm so glad He does!

"Delight in Me," the Lord says. The Christian life is not a task or duty. It is a life of love. The life of one head over heels in love with the Saviour.

Lord, here I am at Agape chapel for prayer meeting. Even though I am weary I know You are here with me. Today at Accept, You gave me strength when I had none. The children are wonderful. Especially the boys ... I really really love the boys. Thank You Lord for these children. It's amazing just to spend a few days with them. Oh help them right now. Flood them with Your joy and hope.

April 9 - The past few days have been so full -- spending the whole day at Accept with the children and then in the evenings accompanying Uncle and Aunty as they visit church members. I also help Aunty with dinner in the evenings.

Last night I talked with Uncle about India -- the corruption of government, the horrible darkness of Hinduisim, persecution of Christians in some places. People are doing awful things here - because of idolatry. It's overwhelming for my mind to comprehend all the things I've been seeing, hearing and doing the past few days.

The words of this song are a perfect reminder:

I've found a friend in Jesus
He's everything to me
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul
The Lily of the Valley
In Him alone I see
All I need to cleanse and make me fully whole

In sorrow He's my comfort
In trouble He's my stay
He tells me every care on Him to roll
He's the Lily of the Valley
The Bright and Morning Star
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul

He all my grief has taken
And all my sorrows borne
In temptation He's my strong and mighty tower
I've all for Him forsaken
And all my idols torn
From my heart now and He keeps me by His power

Though all the world forsake me
And Satan tempt me sore
Through Jesus I shall safely reach the goal
He's the Lily of the Valley
The Bright and Morning Star
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul

He will never never leave me
Nor yet forsake me here
While I live by faith and do His blessed will
A wall of fire about me
I've nothing now to fear
With His manna He my hungry soul shall fill

When crowned at last in glory
I'll see His blessed face
Where rivers of delight shall ever roll
He's the Lily of the Valley
The Bright and Morning Star
He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul

To delight in Him. That is all.

April 10 - Two days left in India. Soon I will be returning to a rich and bountiful land where most people have everything. India has taught me so much about being thankful. The children at ---- had none of these luxuries, only rice and curry every meal. Here in Bangalore, at the Mathew's house, there is so much food -- we eat fruit everyday! In Tamil Nadu, fruit and vaday were luxuries. I can't believe the richness even here in Bangalore, compared to the village. Yet Canada will be a hundred times more.

Let me write about a bit more about Bangalore city. Much of it is very modern. The people dress and look very different from our village. There are less saris and more chudidars, and even t-shirts and jeans! I've seen a few people from other countries too. Rhoda told me that many people are from Manipur (a Northeastern state in India) -- they look Tibetan or Chinese. There is a totally different sense to the city -- a roughness, a confusion, even an unfriendliness. It is busy and crowded; everyone on the streets, on the buses, in the autos and rickshaws have somewhere to be and don't care about anyone else.

The Christians here though are wonderful. I met a lovely young lady named Joanna. She's from the Northern state of Gujarat, but she's studying in Bangalore. Her accent is much different from the people of the South. I was also able to see Aunty Dorothi again -- she is such a sweet sweet person. And Rhoda of course ... it was so good to see her again! I met her mother finally. Her name is Pauline and is so sweet, with a beautiful, sunny personality. I liked her instantly. Rhoda's father Madhu is so friendly and kind, always making me laugh. It's nice that most of the people can speak English to me. Roshini, Rhoda's younger sister is wonderful too. When I first met her she was extremely shy and didn't talk much, but now that she's been coming with me to Accept we've gotten to know each other better.

April 11 - My last day in India. It will be a busy, full day. I'm going with Uncle one last time to Accept.

Today is full of ups and downs so far. Kishore, Prakash and Sharath were not feeling well. They did not have much energy for play. I found a chess set in the grocery store nearby Raju's house and bought it for the boys. Today I taught Richard how to play. Kishore, Rahul, Sharath and some of the other boys watched. Roshini was there too. We had a lot of fun with the chess set.

I'm reflecting on the past days at Accept where I felt so part of everything: teaching English rhymes and songs, helping with crafts, reading stories, and playing with the children. Today is the last day and I feel distant from everything, shadowed by the knowledge that things will go on whether I'm here or not. I pray I have made some difference ...

Oh India, when I am home, I will long for you!

April 12 - On the way home. The Lord has been so faithful in all His ways. My last day in India was beautiful beyond words. I was at Accept and the children were taking their afternoon nap so I went into the activity room and shut the door to be alone with God. My heart poured out to Him because I was feeling discouraged by leaving. I prayed for some kind of miracle and a few minutes later,  Shanthi teacher walked in (she's the lovely lady in charge of the children's ministry at Accept). From the first she had warmly welcomed me. She is so beautiful in the Lord, with a strong faith, bright cheerfulness and a deep love for the children. You can tell she just loves every moment being with them.

As we talked, she completely opened up to me and shared her heart. She told me how she had been crying earlier because I was leaving and I've been such a help to her. She spoke such lovely, encouraging words about God being with me as I return to Canada and how He alone will fulfill His wonderful purpose for me. She talked about how Jesus is coming soon and we cannot waste time. Every day must be lived for Him. She explained how God provided this ministry for her to work with children. Sometimes it's so difficult and she just cries out to God for help. Without prayer we cannot do anything.

Oh the kindness of our dear Heavenly Father, who knows our every need! What she said resonated so deeply within me. I was filled with tears of joy at the goodness of my God who graciously provided this Indian lady to speak to me at just the right time. We connected in such a beautiful way and I realized God had given me another Indian "mummy." She reminded me painfully of Sornakumari far away. After our conversation I was flooded with so much joy. And I began to understand that my time at Accept was no small thing, even though the time was short. Shanthi told me God sent me to help her at just the perfect time. I do not boast in myself. Only God could orchestrate such a thing. I am only His vessel. He does the work.

The last few hours with the children was precious and heartbreaking. It tore me up inside to have to say goodbye. At the Home in Tamil Nadu I spent nearly three months with the girls. At Accept I was only with them for a short time -- it broke my heart to let them go. Saying goodbye is so hard. The children are so wonderful, especially the boys.

God gave me a special love for Kishore. He's fourteen years old but he looks about ten. A beautiful, angelic face with long eyelashes surrounding his piercing eyes, and a sweet smile. I don't know why but whenever I think of this boy my heart just aches. There is something special about him. Just like Rengith. In the last hour with them I was taking a few more pictures (Uncle Raju let me borrow his camera because I forgot my camera in the village). I asked Kishore to get in a photo with Richard and Eshwar. As they stood there in the sun, Kishore's face suddenly turned away as his face crumpled into tears. Then he went away and sat in a corner. When I asked him what was wrong he wouldn't answer. After several minutes it dawned on me that he was crying because I was leaving ... There were knots in the pit of my stomach and my heart just broke for him. I shared some bible verses with him and told him I loved him, but he was still really sad.

A little later Uncle took a photo of all the children and I (quite unexpectedly) and then they gave me a card, with all their precious names written in it (also very unexpected). The tears came freely when I opened the card. It was too much for words -- so humble and sweet and unnecessary, but a token of their love. Only a week with them and so much love ...

Fragments, Part One

I sensed the need to write something tonight. This blog feels like an out-of-touch old friend. It's been a little more than a month since my return from India. I've been meaning to write for so long, but something always kept me away. Maybe it was hesitation or fear that I wouldn't have the perfect words. But now, perfect words or not, I'm going to write.

The last days at the Children's Home, my time spent with the Stephens in Pappanaikanpatty, and with the children at the Accept Home in Bangalore, still remains unwritten. I would like, by God's grace, to remedy that now. The best way I think, to capture that time, is to copy down snippets of journal entries. So here they are …

March 26 – I am writing by the light of a single candle in the darkness of my bedroom here at the house. There is no electricity on the compound right now. When I went to the hostel tonight, the rain was pouring down. I had to pull the loose end of my sari over my head and carry my bible in a bag close against me. It’s difficult walking on muddy, wet ground in a long dress! I spent some time with the girls and Mary Amma, as the Lord lead me. Selvi in ninth standard and I played a game. I shared a storybook with the children: A King is Born (Jesus’ birth). Then the girls ate supper in the semi-darkness. The only lights came from a few torches, and the frequent flashes of lightning.

March 27 – Yesterday when we drove to Vasudevanallur (where the ladies’ meeting was), I was looking out the car window in great delight. Everything was so beautiful. Sometimes we passed a forest of palm trees where as far as you looked there were trees, green grass growing in between them … and nothing else.

March 29 – This morning at the hostel with the girls was lovely. Today I braided Veera and Sangeetha’s hair as usual. Marimuthu, the little boy at the girls’ hostel, was standing close by, trying to tickle me and being so cute. I will miss so many things about this place. I will miss the red dirt roads. I will miss bending over Rahini to kiss her goodnight, her little fingers reaching up into my long hair. “Shampoo?” she says, as she smells it. So precious! I will miss the laughter of the girls as they splash each other during bathing time. I will miss their little voices calling, “Sister! Sister!” I will miss their beautiful eyes, chocolate brown skin and raven black hair. I will miss Mary Amma and her kind, mothering ways. I will miss serving rice with twelve-year old Benitha. I will miss Susheela’s jokes, Jothi’s smile, Gayathri’s shyness. I will miss Antony Amma’s sweet singing voice, her dancing … I will miss the palm trees, eating fresh coconut, riding in a rickshaw, sitting and talking with Florian, prayer times, tea times …

Today as we were in the bathing room, the girls suddenly pointed up at one of the towering palms outside the hostel wall and shouted, “Ceeli! Ceeli!” We looked up and there was a beautiful green parrot perched on one of the branches. It was so bright and delightful, with an orange streak near its beak. Then another one came, fluttering down beside it. After a few minutes they both flew away together and we watched their vivid green wings flash against that blue blue sky. Why did God have to send two parrots to us today? It was completely unnecessary. Yet it told us of His indescribable beauty and wisdom.

March 30 – There is LOVE between the girls and I. Every one, all one hundred of them, are so precious  … my heart is so full, and my God will continue to fill. He cannot leave me empty. The rains always come. During breakfast time I came and sat with the girls on the verandah while they were eating. Then they started to feed me! I must have eaten from ten different plates! I motioned to them that all that eating would make me fat, as a joke, and we laughed together.

God brought me to India. Now He’s taking me away again. I don’t know when I will come back. Only He knows. Everything points to my leaving. There is no chance at all for me to stay longer, so I know it's His will. My visa will expire soon and I cannot extend the visa. Four new helpers are coming to the Home. One of them, a young man named Edgar from Germany comes today actually. Florian and Paulsam are in Madurai right now picking him up at the airport. Paul Stephen is coming for me this Friday … There are so many needs that I’m leaving behind, and I can’t do anything about it. Today I gave Komuraj and Sandos, two of the hostel boys, each a tennis ball, with their names written on them, as God directed me. Then a whole gaggle of boys came eagerly to my door, asking for a ball also. I had to turn them away because I don’t have enough for all of them …

Rengith: the boy God gave me a special love for.

April 1 – Yesterday was such a difficult day – full of sorrows and joys. Now I feel emotionally drained. Saying goodbye to the children was so hard. So many tears … I don't have words. How I love them. How I will miss them …

April 2 – Here I am in a brand new place, with village and the family far away. It doesn’t seem real yet that I’m really gone from there. It was my home for nearly three months. I miss it already … My mind is in a whirlwind. Right now it’s hard to write about anything and the pain of goodbye is so fresh. All I could think of last night was Rengith’s tears when he realized I was leaving. I will miss that precious little boy so much. There’s a picture in my mind that won’t go away – it’s of his face crumpling as he cried. I cannot hold him in my arms anymore. Please Lord, comfort him and sustain him. Just hold him … especially at night when he’s sleeping at the hostel …

This is Paul Stephen’s house. He graciously invited me to stay with him and his family for a few days (before continuing on to Bangalore). Paul Stephen is a friend of Appa and a brother in Christ. PS’s wife name is Debbie and they have a fifteen-year-old daughter, Joan. Their house is in a small village called Pappanaikanpatty, in Salem District. We are up on a hill, surrounded by mountains. The mountains are so close all around, I feel I could touch them. When I look down the steep hill at the edge of the property, there are paddy fields (now brown because the rice has been harvested), which are separated by little dirt paths. Hundreds of coconut and banana trees are growing here also. The paddy fields are built at different levels in the land, so it looks like steps. The house (called a bungalow) is very small, with a red-tiled roof. It has two rooms only, a kitchen and a living room / bedroom. The bathroom is a separate building outside.

The family is very kind. When Debbie saw me she took me into her arms and kissed me! This morning we prayed, sang a hymn and read from the Daily Light (in English!!) It almost brought me to tears – it was so good to fellowship with them and understand the language. I can scarcely believe my time at the ---- Home is over, but I’m so thankful to the Lord to be here in Salem. It’s much quieter than in the village. The breeze is so fresh. Now I’m sitting in the chapel building, which is just diagonal to the house. The door is wide open and the wind is rushing in. Far away I can hear bleating sheep. Earlier I saw a young woman and little girl winding down the dirt path under the banana trees. The little girl’s anklets were jingling as she walked and the woman was carrying a load of washing.

Uncle PS came up to me today as I was peeling shallots for Aunty Debbie. He had a book in his hand, the story of Evelyn “Granny” Brand. “I have a project for you,” he said. “Try to read this book in the three days you are here and give it back to me.” So I am reading the book. It tells the tale of a woman who was a missionary for sixty years here in India, in these very hills …

This is Salem District. It was here Evelyn and her husband Jessie worked with the “hill people” on five mountain ranges, telling many of the gospel of Christ. Evelyn and Jessie married in India. On their wedding night they had to trek up the steep mountain path in the pouring rain. Her wedding dress was ruined …

April 4 – Here I am sitting on Granny Brand’s verandah at the mission outpost in the Pachai Mountains. Paul Stephen and Debbie are directly connected to Granny Brand’s work. Today they are cleaning the house because of an upcoming ministry to be held here. The house is almost hidden by overgrown trees and scrub brush. It is set upon a rocky hill, a quiet, solid place, overlooking a valley below. We drove up the mountains in a rented car. Up and up and steadily up, around sharp corners and hairpin turns, the mountains rising majestically on all sides.

So I'm sitting on the verandah steps. Uncle and Aunty are busy cleaning. Aunty is crouched in front of piles of dishes, which she washes and then lays out to dry on a rack in the sun. The bright, shiny tin cups and plates glimmer. Prabu, Uncle’s friend, and another man, are inside sweeping and tidying. The house smells of mildew; it is very old. I asked to help, but they will not let me. “Much better you sit somewhere and read,” Uncle said kindly. And since I brought Granny Brand’s biography with me, I have a chance to finish the “project” he gave me.

During the drive this morning, I talked on the phone to Appa, Amma, and Florian. Just hearing Amma's sweet, inquiring voice on the other end made my heart ache. They keep telling me they miss me and I miss them so much too! I have left my family behind …

This is a lovely place to sit – with little butterflies of all colours flitting through the sun-dappled leaves and branches of gnarled old jackfruit trees. There are dragonflies too, and breezy mountain air, and fushia-coloured roses on tough, twisting boughs. Dead leaves are scattered everywhere, curling fragments on patched stones. No sounds except the tins banging, the broom sweeping, birds singing and the occasional voice of Uncle or Aunty. There is a sign nailed to the wall of the building opposite the house, that reads in Tamil and English: Jesus is coming soon.

A man, a woman and a goat are crashing through the scrubby path below. Where are they going? Now they are hidden in the trees. A wind rushes in and there is a tinkle of cow bells. Oh, I could stay here for weeks. There is so much peace … no hustle of the sweaty crowd in S---, no incessant honking of motorcycles ... or worse, buses. Not even any voices running off in full-speed Tamil. Just quietness. Almost.

April 5 – On the way from Salem to Bangalore. Enjoyed a beautiful few days with Paul Stephen, Debbie and Joan. What Christlike kindness and love they showed during the short stay. I will miss their little house, and those lovely mountains. God graciously provided three days of rest. And now onto the last leg of the journey: Bangalore. Raju and Joyce Mathew. Raju at least will meet us at the station. It will be delightful to stay with them again. We are sitting on the train, even as I write. Debbie packed lunch for us in little foil boxes – so sweet of her. A man sat with us, a Hindu, and probably from a high caste. After he got off at the stop, I thought, “Why didn’t I tell him of Jesus?” My heart was suddenly burdened for this man, a man who didn’t even talk to us because he was on his laptop … yet he is a lost sheep. I pray for him.

Right now we are entering Bangalore. I couldn’t tell when we crossed over into Karnataka because the landscape wasn’t very much altered. But now there are great differences. I forgot Bangalore was such a huge city. Tall buildings you wouldn’t see in the farther south. Even Madurai was much more subdued than this booming metropolis. Just now we passed an outer city slum. Dirty little shacks pressed together with tarps for roofing. Garbage everywhere. How can this be possible next to clean, modern sky rises and beautiful domed cathedrals? Still there is God’s beauty – in the bright flowers and gathered trees …

More to come.

On the Way Home

 "The Lord will keep you from all harm -- He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore" - Psalm 121:7-8

Here I am at the Toronto airport waiting for my final flight home. India is now far behind me ...

The past few weeks have been filled with joys and heartaches ... the greatest heartache of all was saying goodbye. After I left the village, I stayed in Salem for a few days with a Christian brother, Paul Stephen and his wife Debbie. Then we journeyed by train to Bangalore, where I stayed again with Raju and Joyce Mathew. Both experiences were wonderful. In Bangalore I spent every day at Accept Home, with the children and patients there. There is so much to tell but right now I am too jet-lagged to write anything more. There will be a more detailed update coming soon.

Thank you for your faithful prayers and love, and I will see you very soon! :)

He Sustains Me

Every time I sit here at the computer to type a new post, I always wonder how my words can possibly describe everything here. There is so much happening every day, so many precious moments, and sorrowful ones too, so much newness and strangeness, and then the joy which flows in and through all of these things … how can one describe joy?

Lord, I accept whatever You give me.

I think that if someone can say that truly, from a pure heart, then they have discovered real joy. I myself am so far from where I should be. But still my Creator loves me.

Oh Lord, let me not think of the need, but the One who fills the need. Let me not think of the sorrow, but the One who brings the joy in the morning. Let me not think of my weakness and unworthiness, but Your all-sufficiency …

God did not lie when He said, “Those who fear Me lack nothing” (Psalm 34:9).

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The days pass quickly, like a fleeting wind. At first it made me anxious as I thought, “I only have a week left with the girls!” But now I can dwell in His calm, because He says, “Do not think about the time you have left with them. I am not bound by time.”

I am so thankful to the Lord that He is guiding me. Without Him I would be so lost. Really. Sometimes I wonder what to do with the children, how to help them, how to meet the needs …

And then finally I stopped running around, stopped trying to do everything and just rested in Him. Now I can hear His voice! Now I have the assurance of Him leading me each step. He is my Shepherd and I just have to follow Him wherever He goes. Why do we often over-complicate things that are really quite simple? Just trust in Jesus. He knows best!

I will boast in Him alone (Psalm 34:2). Can I also boast in His beloved children? Each day I become more and more aware how precious they are, and my heart just aches … Just look at these lovely faces …

Muthumari

Meena

Kulanthai Selvi

Malathi

Srimathy and her little brother

Kamalla

Each day, each moment with the girls is so precious. After school is over in the evenings, I go to the hostel and play with the children. Yesterday some of the younger ones brought me outside under the trees and we played “Countries.” In the sand they drew squares in the dirt, each one representing a different place. It’s hard to explain but basically you win when you take over the other countries (kind of like a live version of the board game Risk). We had so much fun together.

The laughter of the children I will never forget. They are so cute and so easily amused by everything! They love the simplest things, like me holding their hands while they jump high into the air, or making funny faces, or tickling them. Sometimes in the evenings I will show them some of the picture books I brought. Sometimes I help the older ones with their English homework. Sometimes I teach them songs. Sometimes they try to teach me songs. Sometimes there are quarrels that need to be resolved. Sometimes scraped knees that need to be washed and bandaged. All of it is a joy.

Last night some of the girls were making jasmine flower wreaths. Jasmine flowers grow in large fields. They are tiny little white things, which are strung together with thread and worn in the hair. Jasmine has such an intoxicating smell, just like perfume. The flowers looked so lovely in the girls’ black hair. They all came to me saying, “Sister, sister! My hair, beautiful?” “Yes, yes, very very beautiful!” And their eyes were shining up at me like stars.

Thinking about leaving the girls makes my heart ache. I don’t want to leave them! And they don’t want me to leave either. Already some of them are crying that I am leaving. Athilakshmi, whom I adore with all my heart, sometimes just stares at me, and tears well up in her big brown eyes and I know what she’s thinking. She stays by my side almost constantly, holding my hand tightly. Last night she wrote me a beautiful little letter that made me cry.

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Sometimes I spend some time with the boys too, but most of the time it is not possible because I am with the girls so much. The boys are wonderful as well … though very wild and rowdy. They love showing off their skills. They love goofing around. They love teasing each other. They love sports. Just like Canadian boys. The little ones are so adorable. 

One little boy in particular has just captured my heart. His name is Rengith and his sisters, Malathi and Rahini are two of our hostel girls. Rengith and Rahini are twins. Rengith is one of my students and when I first met him, he was very rough and wild. It was difficult to control him during class because he would always be talking and hitting others, and playing with things in his hands. He didn’t really strike me as different from any of the other boys. But then one night I had a very vivid dream. In it I was sitting on the ground and Rengith was in my lap. I was holding him tightly in my arms, as if to protect him. My heart was just exploding with love for him. The purest love I've ever felt.

For the next few days, the dream was in my mind constantly. God has filled me with a unexplained longing and burden for this little boy. Since the dream I have been praying a lot for Rengith, and his sisters too. There is just something about them that makes me ache. One day their mother came and took them away. They were going to a Hindu festival. As I watched them leave, I felt so helpless and all I could do was pray over and over, “Oh, Lord, please protect them. Please God, let them not bow down to those idols …” 

I do not know the spiritual state of the children, but I pray for them daily that they will believe in the Lord Jesus. Now I am wondering about Rengith’s sister Malathy. The past few weeks I have noticed something very different about her. When I first met her (oh, that seems so long ago now), she seemed troubled deep inside. She was always upset and crying about something, a frown creasing her face. Now she is so happy. There is a loveliness, a shining in her eyes that was not there before. The shining comes especially when I sing about Jesus. Has she in her little heart accepted Him along the way? I hope so! And what else could explain this transformation? Even in the littlest things she is different … calm, peaceful, and compassionate towards others. Before she would push and yell at her little sister, Rahini. But yesterday the girls were all crowding around me, wanting me to take their arms so they could jump high. Malathy was one of the first in line, but she suddenly brought Rahini to the front, so she could go first. It was such a little thing that I almost missed it, but it was so special. 

God is faithful in all things, and He will bring forth the fruit in its proper time.

________

My Lord has been faithful with the work in the school also. I haven’t written much about the school so I will do so now. Each morning I teach from 11:15-12:30 in the first and second standard class, under the guidance of the teacher Jessie. The routine looks like this: first, all the students are together in one room (first and second). They sit on the floor in a rectangle. There are no desks. The classroom is a made of crude concrete, with blackboards as walls. We do rhymes, songs, role play, and conversation practice. One of our songs goes like this, “Quack, quack, says the duck! Moo, moo, says the cow! Kaa, kaa, says the crow! Meow, meow, says the cat! Bow, wow, says the dog! Hello, hello, says the child!” There are actions too. The children love it!  Today they listened really well so I gave them all a sticker on their hand. It’s amazing how small things bring so much joy.

At 11:45, I take the second standard students into the next room and teach them only. This is my favourite time. My students are so precious to me: Pavithra, Vijayakanth, Rahini, P. Mathavan, V. Mathavan, Kanagaraj, Sathya, Selvi, Emersan, Rengith, Mugesh, Chithra, Kamalla, Vijithra. Most of the school children are from the hostel, but some of them, like Mugesh, Pavithra and Sathya, live in the village. They are called the “day scholars.” During this time we do reading and writing. There is are curriculum cards we follow, where the children have to practice speaking with different activities. The children copy down English words into their 4-line notebooks from the blackboard. Usually they write the words 5 times each. The children always love it when I checkmark their work because I will often give stickers. They so desperately want to please. Despite that however, they are often unmanageable. When I first started teaching them, they were wild and out of control, hitting each other, playing, talking, not listening at all. We were all squished together on the verandah because the classroom was under construction. 

But now … the children are calm and well-behaved. They all sit in their assigned place on the floor and when I walk in the room they all stand up and say, “Good morning, teacher,” like they are supposed to. Who could transform them, but God alone?? They are all so different now! God has provided so wonderfully for us. He helped me find notebooks for the children in S--- and He gave me my own classroom (with a blackboard!) I didn’t think I could be so thankful for such simple things. Something like a pencil sharpener has become so precious … because we only have one.

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Now there is just a week left here at the Home. It’s hard to believe that my time here is almost over. Soon I will be coming home again … but I don’t want to think about that now. There is still much work left to do here. And in everything, He gives me strength. Now He will supply the faith needed for the tasks ahead. 

Please pray unceasingly for us, because the enemy always tries to discourage. 

Here is a specific prayer request: this coming Saturday (the 26^th) I will be going to a nearby village with Jessie, the first and second standard teacher. She has asked me to preach a message to some Christian ladies there and she will translate for me. There will be about 60 or 70 women attending. Please pray that God will give His Holy Spirit without measure, that He will provide the perfect words to say, and that there will be complete peace in my heart. 

Thank you so much everyone, for all your prayers. I will see you all soon. God bless!

“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them” (Psalm 34:7).