He Sustains Me

Every time I sit here at the computer to type a new post, I always wonder how my words can possibly describe everything here. There is so much happening every day, so many precious moments, and sorrowful ones too, so much newness and strangeness, and then the joy which flows in and through all of these things … how can one describe joy?

Lord, I accept whatever You give me.

I think that if someone can say that truly, from a pure heart, then they have discovered real joy. I myself am so far from where I should be. But still my Creator loves me.

Oh Lord, let me not think of the need, but the One who fills the need. Let me not think of the sorrow, but the One who brings the joy in the morning. Let me not think of my weakness and unworthiness, but Your all-sufficiency …

God did not lie when He said, “Those who fear Me lack nothing” (Psalm 34:9).

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The days pass quickly, like a fleeting wind. At first it made me anxious as I thought, “I only have a week left with the girls!” But now I can dwell in His calm, because He says, “Do not think about the time you have left with them. I am not bound by time.”

I am so thankful to the Lord that He is guiding me. Without Him I would be so lost. Really. Sometimes I wonder what to do with the children, how to help them, how to meet the needs …

And then finally I stopped running around, stopped trying to do everything and just rested in Him. Now I can hear His voice! Now I have the assurance of Him leading me each step. He is my Shepherd and I just have to follow Him wherever He goes. Why do we often over-complicate things that are really quite simple? Just trust in Jesus. He knows best!

I will boast in Him alone (Psalm 34:2). Can I also boast in His beloved children? Each day I become more and more aware how precious they are, and my heart just aches … Just look at these lovely faces …

Muthumari

Meena

Kulanthai Selvi

Malathi

Srimathy and her little brother

Kamalla

Each day, each moment with the girls is so precious. After school is over in the evenings, I go to the hostel and play with the children. Yesterday some of the younger ones brought me outside under the trees and we played “Countries.” In the sand they drew squares in the dirt, each one representing a different place. It’s hard to explain but basically you win when you take over the other countries (kind of like a live version of the board game Risk). We had so much fun together.

The laughter of the children I will never forget. They are so cute and so easily amused by everything! They love the simplest things, like me holding their hands while they jump high into the air, or making funny faces, or tickling them. Sometimes in the evenings I will show them some of the picture books I brought. Sometimes I help the older ones with their English homework. Sometimes I teach them songs. Sometimes they try to teach me songs. Sometimes there are quarrels that need to be resolved. Sometimes scraped knees that need to be washed and bandaged. All of it is a joy.

Last night some of the girls were making jasmine flower wreaths. Jasmine flowers grow in large fields. They are tiny little white things, which are strung together with thread and worn in the hair. Jasmine has such an intoxicating smell, just like perfume. The flowers looked so lovely in the girls’ black hair. They all came to me saying, “Sister, sister! My hair, beautiful?” “Yes, yes, very very beautiful!” And their eyes were shining up at me like stars.

Thinking about leaving the girls makes my heart ache. I don’t want to leave them! And they don’t want me to leave either. Already some of them are crying that I am leaving. Athilakshmi, whom I adore with all my heart, sometimes just stares at me, and tears well up in her big brown eyes and I know what she’s thinking. She stays by my side almost constantly, holding my hand tightly. Last night she wrote me a beautiful little letter that made me cry.

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Sometimes I spend some time with the boys too, but most of the time it is not possible because I am with the girls so much. The boys are wonderful as well … though very wild and rowdy. They love showing off their skills. They love goofing around. They love teasing each other. They love sports. Just like Canadian boys. The little ones are so adorable. 

One little boy in particular has just captured my heart. His name is Rengith and his sisters, Malathi and Rahini are two of our hostel girls. Rengith and Rahini are twins. Rengith is one of my students and when I first met him, he was very rough and wild. It was difficult to control him during class because he would always be talking and hitting others, and playing with things in his hands. He didn’t really strike me as different from any of the other boys. But then one night I had a very vivid dream. In it I was sitting on the ground and Rengith was in my lap. I was holding him tightly in my arms, as if to protect him. My heart was just exploding with love for him. The purest love I've ever felt.

For the next few days, the dream was in my mind constantly. God has filled me with a unexplained longing and burden for this little boy. Since the dream I have been praying a lot for Rengith, and his sisters too. There is just something about them that makes me ache. One day their mother came and took them away. They were going to a Hindu festival. As I watched them leave, I felt so helpless and all I could do was pray over and over, “Oh, Lord, please protect them. Please God, let them not bow down to those idols …” 

I do not know the spiritual state of the children, but I pray for them daily that they will believe in the Lord Jesus. Now I am wondering about Rengith’s sister Malathy. The past few weeks I have noticed something very different about her. When I first met her (oh, that seems so long ago now), she seemed troubled deep inside. She was always upset and crying about something, a frown creasing her face. Now she is so happy. There is a loveliness, a shining in her eyes that was not there before. The shining comes especially when I sing about Jesus. Has she in her little heart accepted Him along the way? I hope so! And what else could explain this transformation? Even in the littlest things she is different … calm, peaceful, and compassionate towards others. Before she would push and yell at her little sister, Rahini. But yesterday the girls were all crowding around me, wanting me to take their arms so they could jump high. Malathy was one of the first in line, but she suddenly brought Rahini to the front, so she could go first. It was such a little thing that I almost missed it, but it was so special. 

God is faithful in all things, and He will bring forth the fruit in its proper time.

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My Lord has been faithful with the work in the school also. I haven’t written much about the school so I will do so now. Each morning I teach from 11:15-12:30 in the first and second standard class, under the guidance of the teacher Jessie. The routine looks like this: first, all the students are together in one room (first and second). They sit on the floor in a rectangle. There are no desks. The classroom is a made of crude concrete, with blackboards as walls. We do rhymes, songs, role play, and conversation practice. One of our songs goes like this, “Quack, quack, says the duck! Moo, moo, says the cow! Kaa, kaa, says the crow! Meow, meow, says the cat! Bow, wow, says the dog! Hello, hello, says the child!” There are actions too. The children love it!  Today they listened really well so I gave them all a sticker on their hand. It’s amazing how small things bring so much joy.

At 11:45, I take the second standard students into the next room and teach them only. This is my favourite time. My students are so precious to me: Pavithra, Vijayakanth, Rahini, P. Mathavan, V. Mathavan, Kanagaraj, Sathya, Selvi, Emersan, Rengith, Mugesh, Chithra, Kamalla, Vijithra. Most of the school children are from the hostel, but some of them, like Mugesh, Pavithra and Sathya, live in the village. They are called the “day scholars.” During this time we do reading and writing. There is are curriculum cards we follow, where the children have to practice speaking with different activities. The children copy down English words into their 4-line notebooks from the blackboard. Usually they write the words 5 times each. The children always love it when I checkmark their work because I will often give stickers. They so desperately want to please. Despite that however, they are often unmanageable. When I first started teaching them, they were wild and out of control, hitting each other, playing, talking, not listening at all. We were all squished together on the verandah because the classroom was under construction. 

But now … the children are calm and well-behaved. They all sit in their assigned place on the floor and when I walk in the room they all stand up and say, “Good morning, teacher,” like they are supposed to. Who could transform them, but God alone?? They are all so different now! God has provided so wonderfully for us. He helped me find notebooks for the children in S--- and He gave me my own classroom (with a blackboard!) I didn’t think I could be so thankful for such simple things. Something like a pencil sharpener has become so precious … because we only have one.

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Now there is just a week left here at the Home. It’s hard to believe that my time here is almost over. Soon I will be coming home again … but I don’t want to think about that now. There is still much work left to do here. And in everything, He gives me strength. Now He will supply the faith needed for the tasks ahead. 

Please pray unceasingly for us, because the enemy always tries to discourage. 

Here is a specific prayer request: this coming Saturday (the 26^th) I will be going to a nearby village with Jessie, the first and second standard teacher. She has asked me to preach a message to some Christian ladies there and she will translate for me. There will be about 60 or 70 women attending. Please pray that God will give His Holy Spirit without measure, that He will provide the perfect words to say, and that there will be complete peace in my heart. 

Thank you so much everyone, for all your prayers. I will see you all soon. God bless!

“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them” (Psalm 34:7).